It has been becoming more often than I can tolerate most days, having to deal with the people in my life mention, "you need some dick" or "you need a man". This wonderful and sometimes lonely journey that I am on has been liberating to say the least. But who would have thought that it would be so hard though?
My girlfriends over 30 who have not had kids yet, act like its this fairytale clock ticking, that says, "if ya ass don't find a man soon then you are out of luck". I mean lets be super transparent right now, are we afraid of being patient and sticking to the standards that we have created because a part of us feels like we will miss out on the opportunity to do so, if we do not hurry up?
Even speaking for myself, this has been the longest that I have stuck to not going back to the toxic love that I was so used to. It was so much easier back then, when we would conform for love. Settling for what ever it is that may be available to us, just because we are so fucking fed up with being alone. Fed the fuck up with being a good woman that nobody notices. All for what? I thought it was my "job" as a woman to compromise and conform to what ever it is that my man wanted that would make him happy. Some of us have given every last drop of ourselves to love just to make them smile, even while neglecting our own. Just for that same lover to secretly go lay in the bed of someone else looking for someone else to bring them some more happiness or temporary satisfaction.
So a part of me must ask, are you afraid? Are you afraid that one day you will wake up and feel like you waited too long to be in love? Or that everyone will have found their special person, while you still stand their alone being this good woman?
It is okay to be open and receptive to love, and not find something wrong with every person that you meet. Or become so against love, that you look through the peephole of its door and refuse to let it in, because the last time you did that, that person came and left with everything..
I am afraid of not really experiencing true love, I love hard and I want someone to love me the same. I am afraid that I will never know what it feels like to love like me